


Aureola

by kuro



Category: Greek and Roman Mythology, Original Work
Genre: But really only very loosely, First Love, Fluff, Growing Up, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Insecurity, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Slow Burn, Terrible AU where Icarus is at uni and Helios is a rock star, Very loosely based on the Icarus myth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-22 21:42:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12491476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuro/pseuds/kuro
Summary: Icarus is a lonely high-school student struggling with self-worth issues while trying to grow up.Then a friend takes him to the concert if a popular rock band.He starts university.He visits a zoo.And maybe he learns a few things along the way.





	Aureola

**Author's Note:**

> So there was that picture on tumblr that I saw and my brain latched onto it and insisted on writing this entire fic. For a picture I reblogged once. I'm not sure what that says about me, but I hope you enjoy reading this!
> 
> Comments are always appreciated and 1000% make me write more. :3

**I.**

“He’s a strange one,” they would always say.

“Oh, but a good boy!” the elderly ladies would always be quick to add. “He means no harm.”

Then they would lean in conspiratorially.

“It’s probably because he didn’t have a mother,” they would whisper and make a pitiful face. “Poor boy, all these years without a woman’s touch and a perpetually busy father.”

“Well, not that his mother was much better,” one of the ladies would add invariably, wrinkling her nose in a way that spelled clearly what she thought of the woman. “It’s only good that he’s by far not as irresponsible as _she_ was.”

Icarus had heard it all too many times before. Sometimes, even his father would look at him and then sigh deeply with a regretful expression on his face.

What was he to do? He would never be the son his father probably wished he had. Instead, he would always be… whatever Icarus was. It was… well, not fine. But bearable. He did okay.

He didn’t remember his mother at all, so he couldn’t say if there was any similarity between the two of them. The only thing that he knew was that she’d had the same unusual combination of light hair and dark eyebrows that he did, according to the few photos that they still had of her at home. But that was where the similarities might have as well ended, since his father refused to speak of anything more.

Icarus tried not to feel bitter about that.

He also tried not to feel bitter about the snide remarks that his classmates made when he passed them in the hallway of the school – about his mother, about his general strangeness, about his weird mannerisms.

Strange people like him did not make friends easily, but that would have been enough already. He didn’t need the additional humiliation, too. So he kept his head down as much as possible. He didn’t tell the teachers about it, because he knew all too well what they would tell him: That he needed to make an effort, that they couldn’t step in because it would only get worse for him then. He kept his eyes averted, because if he knew one thing, it was this: It could always be much, much worse.

It was lonely, sometimes, to be always singled out, but fortunately or perhaps unfortunately, he wasn’t all alone. The school had more than one social outcast, and perhaps out of a sense of self-preservation, Icarus had found himself in the regular company of two other outcasts:  Danny, who came to school covered in bruises and with a split lip more often than not, and Eliza, who was as pretty as she was troubled by her mental health.

Icarus liked them, and he didn’t really get why the rest of the students would carefully avoid nice people like Danny and Eliza, but that was apparently how it was. Once they had been singled out, there was no recovering from that.

When they were together, they rarely talked about all the things that made them outsiders – the fact that Danny was beaten almost daily at home and no one bothered to do anything about it, carefully glossing over his constant (and obvious) injuries. The fact that Eliza had spent most of her teenage years in mental health facilities and still carried the marks of several attempted suicides. The fact that no one ever spoke about Icarus’ mother, and that his brain seemed to operate on a logic all of its own, incomprehensible to everyone else. Instead, they chose live in their own little world, in safe distance from their classmates and the people who would whisper about them in the streets.

It wasn’t like they could truly flee from reality, and they did know that. But when they were together, the world was a little less oppressive, and Icarus knew that at least for that little while, no one would beat Danny, and Eliza would not be alone with her dark thoughts. And they, in turn, would never call him strange.

It was that knowledge – that they were better together than apart – that made them seek each other out again and again. Objectively speaking, they didn’t have much in common, brought together by necessity as they were. Icarus was obsessed with all kinds of uncommon topics that frequently changed, astrobiology only being the latest example that had recently captured his interest because he’d seen that one NASA video on youtube by accident. Danny was into video games and baking (for which he often borrowed Icarus’ kitchen since he didn’t dare to bake at home, and about which Icarus would never complain because Danny’s muffins and cinnamon rolls were _ambrosia_ ). Eliza, probably the most typical teenager out of the three, loved fashion and pop music – at least when she was doing well.

It was Eliza who had started everything, really. One afternoon after school, when they had hung out together as usual, Eliza had told them about the concert of a band whose name Icarus had never heard before, and how much she wanted to go. With embarrassment, she had admitted that she was afraid of going alone. And since Danny and Icarus were her only friends and the only people she could really ask (her parents would go with her if she asked, but they were overprotective enough already), she had eventually shyly requested them to come along.

Normally, Icarus would never go to a concert. It was too messy and too loud for his liking, and places like that always left him feeling strangely unsettled and shaken. He hated that feeling and he avoided it as much as possible. But since Eliza rarely demanded much of anything, he had agreed to go to the concert with her anyway. He knew she wouldn’t have asked if it hadn’t been really important to her. He could do that one thing he hated, if it was for her. Eliza had been, to put it mildly, overjoyed, and hadn’t stopped talking about it for the next two weeks.

So Icarus spent the entire day before the concert mentally preparing himself for the noise and the chaos that was going to descend on him soon.

He talked himself out of cancelling their plans the last minute several times. (He was rather proud of that.)

He felt nervous and on edge before he had even left the house, but he got ready on time, anyway.

He met with Eliza and Danny early enough that they could get dinner first, and together, they eventually drove to the concert venue in the car Eliza had borrowed from her parents. Icarus may or may not have clung tightly to Danny once they had finally made it inside and dove right into the largest crowd, but even if he did, he knew that Danny wouldn’t tell anyone.

Eliza showed a whole new side of herself once they were inside the venue. Usually meek to the point of being submissive, she effortlessly scored a place in the front row closest to the stage. Icarus stayed two steps behind her, afraid of getting too close to the front and getting stuck between the crowd and the barrier. Danny gave him a light, reassuring squeeze before he passed him by and stood next to Eliza.

Icarus was astonished to see Eliza like this. She was always content and smiling when they let her talk about her music and the bands she was currently listening to, but here, in the middle of the crowd, waiting for the band to get on stage, she seemed truly _happy_. And as much as Icarus hated it here, and as uncomfortable as he felt about the crowd that got more crowded by the minute, he did not regret coming, even if it was only for Eliza’s sake. She had often enough let _him_ prattle on about his current obsessions without shutting him down to deserve at least that.

Icarus stood squished in between sweating, excited bodies, and repeatedly checked the clock in the hopes he would be released from his own personal nightmare soon. He might do this for Eliza, but the proximity of other bodies still made his skin crawl in a distinctly uncomfortable way. He already imagined the shower he was going to take once he came back home.

Then the light on the stage went on, and everything changed.

The band had quietly assembled on stage while Icarus had been distracted, and they wasted no time once the lights were on. The world erupted in sound and the audience responded enthusiastically, and Icarus felt as if he had gotten caught in the middle of an explosion. Icarus had never listened to the band before and hadn’t bothered to look them up on the internet even after he had agreed to come (and he had only listened to Eliza’s explanations half-heartedly if he was honest), so he hadn’t actually known what to expect. He hadn’t even wasted a single thought on that.

Now, he found himself immediately sucked into the raw power of the music. He couldn’t describe what happened; it was incredible. The music seemed to resonate somewhere deep in his chest, pulling at things he hadn’t known were there. He had forgotten all about the fact that he’d been desperate to leave just moments before.

And then, just when Icarus had found himself getting comfortable with the rhythm and the melody of the song and the sudden emotions that had been awakened inside him, the lead singer took the microphone and started to sing. Never before had Icarus heard a voice like that, and the shock of it left him standing in the crowd unmoving, staring at the figure on the stage uncomprehending while the crowd around him went wild. In that moment, he had forgotten all about where he was, and the noise of the audience faded into the background.

Try as he might, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the lead singer. The music was great, yes, but this person was something else. To Icarus, it felt as if the sun itself had descended from the heavens to stand on the stage. The golden shimmer of the singer’s dark skin had been accentuated with golden body glitter and golden eyeliner; the slightly curly brown hair had added highlights of red and orange that made it look like a living flame. Jewellry in the form of a sunburst had been placed over one of his ears, covering the side of his head that had been shorn short. The stage lighting did the rest, sparks reflecting in the singer’s eyes, leaving them burning, and painting a golden aura all around him.

Icarus felt like he finally understood Eliza’s obsession.

If this man was the sun, he would gladly burn.

 

**II.**

Icarus left the concert feeling strangely floating and foreign in his own body. But he was all too familiar with the feeling of building anticipation in his chest – it happened all too often, the dizziness and excitement of a new obsession. Only this time, it wasn’t like with astrobiology, or any of his other fascinations. He had been obsessed with a variety of things before – but never before in his life had he felt such a pull from another human being.

And of course, it was a person that was utterly and completely out of his reach, someone that didn’t even know he existed. He just knew that for the next six months at least, he would be obsessing about someone he would never even meet, instead of crushing on one of his classmates like other people his age. He found himself strangely uncaring about the possibility. At least he had managed to react like an actual teenager for _once_ in his life. Crushing on a star, check.

Lucky for him, Danny and Eliza were both excited and kept chattering about the concert among themselves, and probably took his silence as being overwhelmed by the crowd in the venue. So when they drove back home he nodded along in all the right places and smiled when they smiled too, and they didn’t comment on his absent-mindedness.

The first thing Icarus did when he came home was to boot up his laptop and look up the band and, in extension, the lead singer. In the course of two hours, he didn’t only know the entire history of the band and had listened through half of their discography, he also knew everything about their lead singer there was to know.

His name was Helios, or at least, that was what he was known as. No last name. Even in interviews, he revealed little about his private life, and outside of his professional successes, there was little on public record. He didn’t speak about where he had grown up, nor did he reveal his full name anywhere. His level of education was unknown, as was his exact date of birth, although it was generally assumed that he was closer to 20 than to 25 yet. His current residence was, according to rumour, ever changing.

The many mysteries added to Helios’ appeal rather than detracted from it, Icarus found. Apparently, so thought most of his fans. They were absolutely obsessed with any snippet of information that they could get their hands on.

Icarus sighed deeply, staring at the information he’d gathered from his little wikipedia binge. Of course he wasn’t the only obsessed person by far. Helios was absolutely stunning by any standard, and he definitely knew how to work that to an unfair advantage. Icarus, in comparison, was an ant. And not even a flying or poisonous one. Just a pitiful little creature, trampled on all too easily.

Honestly, Icarus was just jealous of everything that Helios was, because he would _never_ be like that.

 

**III.**

Icarus’ obsession with Helios continued quietly for a little while - rarely a day passed without him staring at photos of Helios he’d downloaded from the internet, but he did so in secret. He never talked with Eliza about his sudden obsession, even though he felt that she would probably understand him and not judge him for it. On the contrary, she would probably be happy to have someone to talk with. But somehow, it felt way too private, these desperate feelings for a person that he would never meet.

He didn’t go to another concert of the band. He might have gone if Eliza had asked him, but she didn’t. She would sometimes bring Helios up when there had been the release of a new single, album or a special event, and every time, Icarus’ heart would beat loudly and he would try to pretend that he wasn’t as obsessed as he really was. Somehow, it worked.

Life trudged along as usual. He tried to avoid the worst bullies at school, tried to avoid his father’s disappointed looks, and generally tried to keep his head down. Most of his teachers were somewhat forgiving of his peculiar character since he always wrote good grades, and several of them even actively supported him when it was time to apply for universities. It was thanks to them, most likely, that he got accepted at an university with an excellent reputation, because he himself lacked the dogged determination to aim higher than just “reasonably good.”

What that meant, however, was that he had to say goodbye to both Danny and Eliza, neither of which had ever done particularly well at school for obvious reasons. For all their forced companionship, the approaching split hurt him somewhere deep down. These were the only friends that he had, and without them, the move to an unknown place seemed daunting and unbearably lonely. And, if he was honest and the tiniest bit bitter, he also felt that the way this world worked was truly unfair. Danny and Eliza were by no means unrecognised geniuses - but they deserved better. No one had ever really given them a chance.

He was afraid to leave them. The world seemed that much more threatening without them in it.

 

**IV.**

University was both the same and very different from anything that Icarus had experienced before. There were still bullies, but it was easier to avoid them. There were also people that were more like Icarus, but he still found it hard to relate to them. Best of all, however, was that there weren’t really any people that judged you for your strangeness anymore. Mostly, Icarus went unremarked, apart from the occasional compliment from a professor when they had liked one of his essays.

He missed Danny and Eliza, and found it hard to replace them with anyone else. From what he heard of them, they were doing well. Especially Danny, who had finally gotten away from his family and their violent tendencies, went through a veritable metamorphosis. His sudden freedom from the constant oppression at home had caused something of a late teenage rebellion, and he had blossomed in his new environment. Out of the three of them, he definitely had the easiest time to find new friends and enjoy his new life. Every week he would tell them about parties he’d been to and new people he’d met.  

Icarus tried to be happy for him, and most of the time, he did succeed. But still, in his darkest moments, he felt the bitter sting of jealousy and loneliness.

In those moments, he sometimes still looked at the images of Helios that he had collected, especially one that had been taken that evening when Icarus had been in the audience, captured by the golden glow of Helios’ make-up and the fire that was reflected in these beautiful eyes of his. He kept the photos carefully away from from everyone. If he hadn’t told Eliza, he would tell no one.

Helios was his light whenever Icarus felt particularly lonely. It reminded him of good things that were waiting for him somewhere out there, things that were neither his father’s perpetual disappointment nor other people’s judgement. For a few moments, standing in the audience that evening in the concert hall had given him something that he had rarely ever felt in his life: a strange kind of being in harmony with himself, and an odd sense of levity that left him uncaring of all possible outcomes. It was something he didn’t want to forget.

Sometimes, when he did not know what to do, he would take out the photo and stare at it, reliving the memory again and again. Eventually, things would go right. Helios’ serious eyes seemed to tell him that.

 

**V.**

It is often said that the unexpected tends to happen exactly when it’s least expected and also least convenient.

So it happened when Icarus was harried because of several close deadlines and had exhaustedly stumbled into the closest grocery store to at least get the most pressing groceries done: basic food groups, coffee and sweets for survival.

He was grumpy and distracted, because of course his neighbours had chosen this very time to throw a massive party and make noise all night, and he had been unable to sleep a wink despite the fact that he had plugged his earplugs in as soon as he had realised what was happening. He wished he had been brave enough to go over and tell them to be quiet, but he never was.

He was just standing in front of the dairy case when someone bumped into his back. He nearly dropped the milk bottle in his hands, catching it at the last moment. Shit, that was _just_ what he needed now.

“Sorry,” the perpetrator said, and Icarus froze.

One single word, but he would know that voice anywhere. He had listened to it far too often.

He turned around and stared directly into these incredible golden eyes from a distance that was far too close to be comfortable. The fluorescent light of the supermarket did not diminish their devastating effect at all, just as intense and burning as they had been on the stage that night, only this time, there was no golden make-up in sight. Some people’s good looks only worked from a certain distance, but, Icarus discovered, that couldn’t be said in this case. Unfortunately.

“Sorry,” Helios repeated, reaching out to steady Icarus. (He hadn’t even realised he’d been wobbling.) “I didn’t see you there.”

“It’s okay,” Icarus stuttered nervously. “I… no harm done.”

“Okay then,” Helios said, his attention already shifting away from Icarus, letting him go. “Take care.”

And with these words, he was gone. Icarus felt the irrational urge to grab his chest as if to check if his heart was still beating. Which was a ridiculous impulse, really, since his heartbeat was pulsating very loudly and extremely fast in his ears right this moment.

He had never even dared to hope to meet Helios in person. That one evening at the concert had been fine, a safe distance between the two of them, and the photos he kept hidden didn’t hurt anyone. To be in actual touching distance with his secret obsession didn’t fill him with elation, no, it filled him with terror.

 _What a pathetic scene_ , he thought to himself, _and in the aisle of a grocery store, no less._

He had liked this store, and it was conveniently located from his apartment, but he likely wouldn’t be coming back again. Just the stress of thinking about this encounter would be too much for him already. He didn’t even dare to think of the possibility of meeting Helios here again.

No, complete avoidance was much better.

 

**VI.**

Icarus had wanted to tell Eliza about the encounter the next time they called each other, because as much as he had hated his own internal breakdown, Eliza would be thrilled to hear that he had managed to randomly encounter Helios, the notoriously reclusive rock star, in a grocery store.

When he actually talked to Eliza a few days later, however, he found himself at a loss for words. He listened to her cheerfully relating her latest shopping trip, describing the cute winter coat that she had found in excruciating detail (turquoise and white, with bows), and he eventually ended the call without mentioning Helios at all. He felt bad, because it strangely felt like lying to Eliza. That was something he never did, but he didn’t know what else he should do. Even though it was only Eliza, it felt like he was ratting out Helios, who was so protective of his private life. He couldn’t say anything and still have a good conscience. So he pushed it out of his mind.

Icarus also studiously avoided the supermarket that he had seen Helios in, even though it was somewhat of a hassle because it meant that he had to go much further to get his groceries. He didn’t really think that there was a large possibility that they’d actually run into each other again, because according to the internet, Helios moved around constantly and rarely stayed in the same place for too long.

But Icarus didn’t want to risk it. It would be too much. He had embarrassed himself enough already, and Helios had looked amazing that day, even close up and without the make-up. He’d been calm and composed, which strangely made the whole encounter that much more unbearable. His eyes had had an almost hypnotic power, and Icarus had felt helplessly caught in their gaze. No, he would only feel worse if he met Helios again, beautiful and amazing and untouchable. It was time to forget about his obsession.

Instead, Icarus concentrated on his studies even more than usual. He did well in university, and always managed his homework and deadlines well. It was easy to keep his schedule organised, he guessed, if you had no social life to speak of outside of regular phone calls to your high school friends. His father did sometimes call him, but they never really talked much other than Icarus assuring him that he was doing well and that yes, he had his finances under control.

The more dedicated teachers of his noted his recently improved studiousness, and while some were quick to give him additional tasks that he finished on top of his regular work, others suggested that while he did very well in tests, they would prefer it if he also participated more actively during class. Icarus would smile and nod and tell them he’d see what he could do, but he knew it was a lie. He had his opinions, yes, but to defend them in front of his classmates was just stressful. He could see their looks whenever he spoke up. He would never speak up in class unless he was forced to. (Unfortunately, some teachers realised that too and started doing exactly that.)

All in all, his life went on just as uneventfully after his run-in with Helios, and Icarus was grateful for that. Soon, he would forget he had ever had this silly obsession.

 

**VII.**

He should have known how terrible his luck was. He had never been a very lucky person, and he had never been smooth or impulsive enough to get himself out of situations that he felt needed to be avoided. So instead of turning around and leaving the coffee shop he had just entered, he froze on the spot when he saw Helios picking up his coffee order at the counter.

Shit.

“What can I get you?” the cashier asked Icarus, giving him a strange look when he didn’t immediately reply.

“Uh… a cappuccino, please,” Icarus eventually managed, voice quiet and unsure.

Icarus wanted the earth to swallow him up. He didn’t want to have a coffee any longer, no matter how tired he was after his classes. He wanted to get out of here, but he couldn’t find the words.

“Sure, one moment please,” the cashier replied absently, not noticing his inner meltdown and typing in his order with quick hands.

Icarus slid the exact change over the counter and slowly made his way along the counter to wait for his completed order. Small mercies, Helios had already found a seat, sipping at his coffee while looking out of the window. The coffee shop wasn’t too busy, so Icarus’ order came quickly. Looking around, he saw that quite a few tables towards the back of the shop were unoccupied.

Icarus strategically chose the one that was quite definitely the furthest away from Helios and made his way over there.

As his bad luck would have it, Helios chose that moment to turn away from the window and look directly at Icarus passing him by.

“Oh, hi,” Helios said far too calmly. “I remember you. You were the boy at the store.”

Icarus froze once more. Helios _remembered_ him?

“Uh, I,” he stuttered. “H-Hello.”

“Are you a student at university here?” Helios asked.

“I- yeah,” Icarus found himself saying. “First year.”

Helios looked at him for a long moment then, and Icarus, still frozen, wondered if he should just leave, if this was Helios dismissing him wordlessly. That heavy gaze made him squirm uncomfortably.

“Do you always look at people like they are going to pick you up and eat you for lunch?” Helios asked, raising his eyebrows in apparent curiosity.

“I- no?” Icarus tried, but it came out sounding embarrassingly unsure. He did feel as if he had been pinned down and was in the process of being dissected, after all. And thinking about it, he had no idea how he usually looked at people. Not that they really bothered to look at him, either. No one had ever looked at him the way Helios did, long and apparently unbothered by the effect his staring had.

“You should try to sound convinced when saying that,” Helios said. He wasn’t smiling, but to Icarus, it seemed as if the tiniest spark of humour glinted in these mesmerizing golden eyes.

“I don’t look at people as if they’re about to eat me,” Icarus said, seriously, and Helios. Helios laughed. Icarus had never seen that before, in all the footage of Helios he had watched. It was an utterly devastating sight, and an utterly devastating sound. He wanted to hear it again and again, as often as possible.  

“If you say so,” Helios agreed amiably and waved one hand at the empty seat at his table. “Why don’t you sit with me for a bit? You’re here on your own, aren’t you?”

Thinking about it after the fact, Icarus should have lied and told him he had some kind of appointment, and then left. Instead, he meekly sat down in the seat Helios had gestured at without complaint. What an utter idiot he was. That, or a particularly well-trained lap dog.  

“If you’re a first year, you haven’t been here for long then?” Helios asked, leaning back in his seat and sprawling his limbs comfortably. Icarus envied the ease in which he moved; he himself felt helplessly and utterly on edge.

“Yeah,” he answered carefully. “I moved here when I started university. A little over a semester now.”

“Have you gotten used to living here? Do you know any good places to go out?” Helios asked. “I’ve only just arrived and haven’t seen much yet.”

“I… don’t actually go out very often,” Icarus admitted, nervously twisting his cup in his hands before taking a careful sip of his coffee. As usual, it tasted excellent, although the warmth of the beverage failed to comfort him as it usually did.

Helios studied him for a moment, and Icarus squirmed under his gaze once again. Could he maybe give Icarus a break and stop dissecting him like a particularly unusual specimen? He wasn’t sure if his heart would make it otherwise.

“We could go and explore a little,” Helios eventually suggested. “I’ve only just moved here.”

Icarus choked on his coffee.

“You know who I am,” Helios suddenly stated, and it was not a question.

“Yes,” Icarus admitted.

“But you won’t tell anyone about it,” Helios continued, and again, it was not a question.

“No,” Icarus said. He didn’t even need to think about it. He hadn’t told Eliza; he certainly wouldn’t tell anyone else.

“Then we’re on the same page,” Helios said, tapping the table next to his cup of coffee. “Come on, drink up. I have to be back by five.”

 

**VIII.**

Before Icarus even knew what happened, Helios had dragged him around all over the city, visiting some of the most famous spots and strolling through the streets aimlessly in turns.

Icarus was tongue-tied and tried hard not to embarrass himself in front of the very man he’d been obsessed with for a while now, although Helios probably thought he was an idiot by now. It did help somewhat that despite Helios’ original assertiveness, he was neither very chatty nor overly familiar with Icarus, so the silence between the two sometimes stretched for several minutes without either of them trying to break it. Helios seemed unaffected by it, but after a while, Icarus was going up the walls. Why had Helios chosen to spend time with Icarus, of all people?  

It was enough that when Helios commented on a historical building that Icarus just happened to know something about, he involuntarily started rambling about its history and significance without being able to stop himself.

With mounting horror, Icarus tried to shut himself up, to direct the topic to something else, but Helios was just standing there, listening, and being of no help at all.

“Sorry,” Icarus mumbled at some point, finally breaking his never-ending stream of words.

“No, it was interesting,” Helios answered easily. He gave Icarus a significant look. “Also know I know for a fact that you actually can talk. I just need to find the right topic.”

“Sorry,” Icarus repeated. “I get,” he waved his hand nervously, “when I find something interesting.”

“It’s good to be enthusiastic about the things you find interesting,” Helios said, pulling lightly at Icarus’ sleeve. “Come, tell me something about that building over there.”

Unfortunately, Icarus did know something about “that building over there,” and it was all too easy for him to give in and prattle on.

 

**IX.**

Five o’clock arrived all too soon. It was truly strange; Icarus had just spent an afternoon with a virtual stranger (whose photos he’d spent far too much time staring at), and it had been oddly easy to spend his time with him once Helios had made him talk. It was almost worrying that Helios’ shine had not diminished with the reduced distance at all. His presence was less assertive, but definitely not less impressive than when he was on stage. The effect of his attractive face was not lessened by the lack of make-up at all. Away from the stage lights, he was calm and serious, rarely gracing his surroundings with even a hint of a smile.

Icarus, who reflexively smiled at anything and everything out of nervous habit, found that he did not mind Helios’ seriousness. It was refreshing, really, because he found his own tendency to smile when he was nervous or uncomfortable frustrating. People had asked him repeatedly why he kept smiling all the time when a situation wasn’t actually funny, and idiot as he was, he had smiled at them and told them that he was taking the situation seriously. He wished he was more like Helios, whose smiles felt like an unexpected blessing rather than like the annoyance that Icarus’ smiles were.

When Helios noticed Icarus checking the time on his phone, he waved him over and picked Icarus’ phone out of his hands. He entered a mobile number and handed the phone back to Icarus.

“My number,” he said. “Send me a message, okay?”

Icarus nodded dumbly.

“I enjoyed today,” Helios added. “We should do it again. Just tell me when you’re free and we’ll find something.”

  
“Okay,” Icarus agreed, sounding far too meek to his own ears.

“Good,” Helios replied. “I have to leave now. I’ll see you around.”

“I… see you,” Icarus hastily said, and Helios turned around and disappeared around a corner.

God, he had made a mistake, Icarus thought as he stared down at the numbers on the display of his phone. And he couldn’t even tell Eliza about it. He’d promised Helios not to tell anyone.

What a fool he was.

**X.**

 

 

 

> _Hi. It’s Icarus, we met at the coffee shop today. (Sent 21:05)_
> 
> _Oh hey, Icarus, of course I remember you! I was wondering if you were going to write. (Received 22:45)_
> 
> _I wasn’t sure if you really wanted me to write. (Sent 22:50)_
> 
> _I wouldn’t have given you my number otherwise. (Received 22:51)_
> 
> _So when are you free? Any plans during the weekend? (Received 22:55)_
> 
> _No plans except for studying. As I said, I don’t go out much. (Sent 22:59)_
> 
> _In that case you won’t mind me taking you out for dinner on Saturday, I guess? (Received 23:00)_
> 
> _If you want, I don’t mind. (Sent 23:15)_
> 
> _Great. (Received 23:15)_
> 
> _I’ll send you the details on Friday. (Received 23:15)_
> 
> _Okay. Good night. (Sent 23:16)_
> 
> _Good night, Icarus. (Received 23:19)_

 

**XI.**

Icarus didn’t want to be picked up at his dorm, so they met close to the coffee shop where they had run into each other the last time. Helios guided him to the restaurant that he’d picked, and since it wasn’t far, they walked there.

Icarus felt odd. His common sense told him that there was no good reason for him to simply trust Helios and going along with his plans like a good little lamb on its way to the slaughter (yes, he was a little dramatic sometimes, but this was exactly the kind of thing they had been warned about as children). Additionally, why exactly would Helios ever want to take someone like Icarus to a restaurant when he had already experienced Icarus’ weirdness for several continuous hours? He had attentively listened to him babble about history, for god’s sake, and even encouraged him to talk _more_.

“This restaurant has some very good reviews,” Helios told him, leading him up to a door of a restaurant that seemed somewhat upscale, but its interior still casual and relaxed enough that Icarus didn’t feel completely out of place, especially with the nicer than usual clothes he was wearing. Helios too was wearing nice slacks and a sweater rather than his usual jeans and leather jacket combo today, and he looked like he fit right into the crowd (and very attractive in general, but when did he not).

“Don’t worry about the price,” Helios told him when the reached the door. “I invited you here, so it’s my treat.”

“I- I can’t accept that!” Icarus exclaimed, nervously pulling at the seams of his sweater. “I can pay for myself.”

Helios gave him a small smile and opened the door. “You probably can, yes. But I prefer you don’t. After you.”

A little hesitantly, Icarus entered the restaurant, where one of the servers led them to their table immediately.

The food was very good, just as Helios had promised. The service was great, too, as was the general ambience of the restaurant. Everything was so good that Icarus found himself tongue-tied once more. He looked over the table and watched Helios enjoying his food as well, apparently content to eat in silence.

“Is it good?” Icarus asked quietly.

“Very,” Helios said, looking up from his plate. “How is yours?”

“It’s very good,” Icarus replied. “Thank you for bringing me here.”

“I’m glad you like it,” Helios said, the smallest hint of a smile on his face, turning back to his food.

 

**XII.**

Later, after they had finished their meal and Helios had paid for it (quite sneakily), they left the restaurant and, a little reluctant to part just yet, they kind of ambled along without a concrete goal in mind. Fall had started already and the evenings were colder already, but not cold enough yet not to enjoy an evening walk. They weren’t the only ones out passing by several other people who were also on their way to one destination or another.

“Thank you for coming with me tonight,” Helios said, breaking the silence.

Icarus shook his head. “Thank you for inviting me. It was you who paid.”

“You’re a student,” Helios replied, giving Icarus a somewhat amused glance. “You should spend your money on education.”

“Have you been to university?” Icarus found himself asking. It was very direct, but the way Helios had said education made him wonder.

Helios was quiet for a few moments.

“No,” he answered eventually, looking into the distance. “I’ve always been too obsessed with music, I had no mind for studying. Been successful with it so far, so it’s not like I can complain.”

“A friend of mine asked me to go one of your concerts,” Icarus found himself saying. “I didn’t know you before, and I’d never heard your music. I was so impressed when I saw you on the stage. It was incredible. You were like… like the sun.”

“Then you have to be rather disappointed with me off stage,” Helios said, pointing at himself. “Not so shiny now.”

“Hm,” Icarus said, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket nervously. “I think I disagree.”

“Do you now,” Helios said, a small smile back on his face.

“Yes,” Icarus assured him, feeling much more confidence this time. “I do.”

 

**XIII.**

 

 

 

> _I had fun yesterday. Are you free sometime next week? Do you want to meet up? (Received 09:17)_
> 
> _Thank you again for inviting me! My classes end early on Wednesday, if you have time then? I don’t know, I don’t want to intrude on your schedule or anything. (Sent, 09:35)_
> 
> _No, Wednesday is fine with me. My schedule is flexible. Is there anything you’d like to do? (Received, 09:37)_
> 
> _It’s probably dumb, but I always wanted to go to the zoo. (Sent, 09:55)_
> 
> _We can do that. I like animals. I’ll pick you up after class? (Received, 09:58)_
> 
> _Okay. I’m looking forward to it. (Sent, 10:01)_
> 
> _Me too. (Received, 11:30)_

 

**XIV.**

Icarus left class and made his way to their arranged meeting point shaking with nerves. He didn’t know why he had suggested going to the zoo, but he’d been agonizing over it ever since Helios had agreed to it three days ago. He must think Icarus an idiot or a child, suggesting a zoo, of all things. Maybe Helios wouldn’t even turn up. He’d probably changed his mind after thinking it over and coming to the conclusion that the entire thing was ridiculous. Icarus had hardly slept the last night, turning it over in his mind again and again.

But miraculously, when Icarus arrived at the arranged meeting point, Helios was already there, waiting for him. Today, he was back in his usual casual attire of jeans and a leather jacket, but he looked just as effortlessly good in it as he always did.

Looking at him standing there, it wasn’t so much the clothes he wore that made him stand out from the rest, Icarus ruminated, because a lot of people of Helios’ age walked around in jeans and a leather jacket. (Although few were as good-looking as him, so there was that, too.) It was something about the way he held himself seemingly effortlessly that distinguished him. Icarus would have a hard time describing it if he was pressed to, but Helios felt, for lack of a better word, dignified and deliberate, but not in an artificial way. It was confusing, but at the same time, Icarus could not look away.

“Hey,” Helios greeted him once Icars was close enough, lifting one hand and waving. (As if Icarus had been in any danger of overlooking him.) “Classes interesting today?”

“Yeah,” Icarus replied, smiling nervously and trying to ignore the way his heart was pounding in his chest at Helios’ proximity. “I got a lot of homework, though.”

“Are you’re still okay to go?” Helios asked, his brows drawing together. “Otherwise, we’ll postpone it.”

“Oh, no, I didn’t mean it like that!” Icarus quickly assured him. He blushed and clutched at his book bag. He hadn’t wanted to give Helios the impression that he was unwilling to go. It had been his idea, after all, not Helions’. “I’m still free this afternoon. Unless… I don’t know, unless _you’re_ busy.”

“Good,” Helios said. Icarus watched as the furrow between his eyebrows slowly straightened out again. “And no, I’m not busy. I’ve been looking forward to see the penguins.”

Helios turned to leave and Icarus followed, not suppressing his surprised smile when he was sure Helios couldn’t see him anymore.

Helios had been looking forward to see the penguins, of all things? Somehow, that didn’t really seem to fit with his image. But then, Helios agreeing to come to the zoo with Icarus didn’t seem to fit his image either. _But then_ , Helios was mostly known for being a notoriously private person that nobody really _knew_ in the media. For a few moments, Icarus deluded himself that this was a side that no one ever got to see of Helios - except for him. It was a foolish notion, but something in his chest moved strangely at the thought. Just him. And Helios.

He smiled.

Later, when they had wandered through the zoo leisurely and finally stood in front of the penguin enclosure, Icarus watched Helios out of the corner of his eyes. Helios’ expression was as close to neutral as it usually was, but his eyes were attentively following the penguins as they playfully dove through the water, zooming around as they pleased.

Icarus admired them, too. They were so clumsy ashore, waddling around and sometimes falling over the smallest obstacles, only to turn into incredibly graceful swimmers at the first touch of water. Honestly, it was enviable, since Icarus seemed permanently stuck to be a penguin ashore. “Graceful” definitely wasn’t a word anyone would associate with Icarus.

After watching the penguins for a while, Icarus turned around, noticing the many families with children passing them by, all of them screaming excitedly once they caught sight of the animals behind the glass and running up to them. The adults followed in a more sedate pace. Of them gave the two of them a quick look, but most passed them by, their eyes sliding over the them without really _seeing_ Icarus and Helios.

“Do you get recognised often?” he asked Helios in a sudden bout of curiosity.

“Not really,” Helios replied, shooting a quick look at the family with two very excited toddlers standing closest to them. “I’m not actually that famous. And it’s surprising how many people don’t actually look at you when you’re not one of five people standing on a stage, but just another face in the crowd.”

Icarus inclined his head, considering that statement. If someone asked him, he was pretty sure he’d recognise Helios anywhere, but Helios certainly had more experience when it came to being recognised. People tended to forget Icarus quickly, and when they deigned to remember him at all, it was usually as “that weird kid with the white hair.” He wasn’t exactly the best judge when it came to that, he guessed.

“It won’t be an issue, believe me,” Helios said, changing the topic. “Tell me, which animals do you like best?”

Icarus let the subject go, since so far, it really seemed like Icarus had been the only one to recognise him. Instead, he considered Helios’ question for a moment. “I like all of them, I guess? But I always wanted to have a cat or a dog as a pet. I was never allowed to have pets at home.”

“We always had dogs at home growing up, but moving around so much and having no routine at all, it’s stressful for them,” Helios said. “I’d like to get another one at some point. A big one. A Weimaraner, I think, like before. I used to go running or biking with them.”

“Really?” Icarus exclaimed. “They ran with you?”

“Yeah,” Helios replied, giving Icarus an actual smile. “It’s a rather demanding training regimen, though. The dogs won’t let you forget you’re supposed to be out running.”

“I can’t even run for two minutes,” Icarus said, sighing. “That wouldn’t be the right kind of dog for me.”

“Maybe we should get you out of your study a little more often,” Helios suggested, bumping Icarus’ shoulder lightly.

“Or maybe we should let Icarus be the nerd he’s always been,” Icarus shot back. He hadn’t even thought about what he was going to say, it just came out of his mouth without his conscious input. When he realised what he’d said, he suddenly froze.

 _Congratulations_ , Icarus, he told himself. _Way to be uncool._

Helios, however, tipped his head back and laughed out loud.

Icarus just stared, unable to look away from the sight of Helios’ unbridled amusement.

“I guess we can let Icarus be the nerd he’s always been,” Helios said once he’d caught his breath, giving Icarus a sideways hug, squeezing his shoulder lightly.

Now, suddenly, it was Icarus that felt breathless.

 

**XV.**

After their visit to the zoo, Helios asked Icarus with a sideways look if he was hungry (he was) and if he wanted to eat dinner together (he did). It was only too easy not to think too hard about the invitation and just agree. They ended up at another restaurant that Helios said had very good reviews not too far away from the zoo, and Icarus decided not to question the obvious fact that Helios had planned ahead before he had ever asked if Icarus wanted to have dinner with him.

After trying the food, Icarus had to admit that Helios certainly knew how to pick his restaurants, because the food was delicious. He enjoyed it so much that he ate far too much, to Helios’ apparent amusement.

When the time came to leave, Helios insisted on paying again, since, as he said, it had been his suggestion.

“In that case, I should have paid your zoo entrance,” Icarus reminded him. “After all, that was my idea.”

“You’re a student,” Helios stubbornly repeated his words from last time. “You shouldn’t worry about things like that. And I offered to do it out of my own volition, so it’s fine.”

“I don’t feel so good when someone is always paying for me,” Icarus quietly insisted, but he did not complain again when Helios picked up the check.

“We’ll discuss it once you have an actual paycheck,” Helios said, and Icarus rolled his eyes at that. He wouldn’t have an actual paycheck for a few years at least, and Icarus certainly wouldn’t wait that long. This round might have been won by Helios, but there was always the next time. Maybe. If Helios wanted to see him again.

Silence settled over them as they walked out of the restaurant and turned into the direction of the university dorms. Helios hadn’t said anything, but apparently, he was intent on walking Icarus home at least part of the way. Then again, Icarus didn’t actually know where Helios lived, and his house might be somewhere on the way.

When they reached the entrance of the university that was closest to the student dorms, Helios finally broke the silence.

“I enjoyed today,” he said quietly.

“I had a good time,” Icarus murmured in agreement. “The zoo was fun. Thanks for coming with me.”

“Not at all,” Helios replied. He gave Icarus one of his looks that still made Icarus feel like he was laid bare by the sheer intensity of it. “Are you free again this Saturday? I was planning to go out of the city and on a hike, and I think it’s more enjoyable when not alone.”

“I… I mean, I’d love to come,” Icarus stuttered. “If you don’t have anyone else you’d rather take with you.”

“I want to take _you_ with me,” Helios stressed, reaching out and taking one of Icarus’ hands, squeezing it gently.

“Good night, Icarus,” he murmured. “I’ll see you on Saturday.”

He turned around, and vanished into the approaching darkness.

 

**XVI.**

 

 

 

> _[Image attached] I got these flowers and had to think of you. They’re pretty, no? (Received 16:22)_
> 
> _How so?? But they are very pretty, that’s for sure. (Sent 17:01)_
> 
> _They have the same colour as your hair. I like it. (Received 17:07)_
> 
> _Thank you, I guess? Usually people find it weird. (Sent 17:09)_
> 
> _No, it’s beautiful. You should be proud. (Received 17:09)_

 

**XVII.**

On Saturday, Helios picked Icarus up in his car. Icarus didn’t really know all too much about cars, but this one was stylish and comfortable, but definitely not garish. It felt like another piece in the puzzle that was Helios’ character, and Icarus felt like he was finally starting to really see him. And if Icarus was entirely honest with himself, he liked what he had seen so far. And it left him with a good feeling.

They drove for a while, not talking very much other than exclaiming quietly when they passed one of the many lovely vistas on the way. Helios was a balanced driver, Icarus learned, neither going over the speed limit nor driving timidly. Like everything Helios did, there was a calm deliberation to it, and very soon, Icarus felt himself getting sleepy, wandering the line between awake and asleep as he watched the world pass them by.

He was startled awake when Helios pulled into a parking spot and shut the engine off, turning around and looking at Icarus expectantly. Icarus blushed, quickly unbuckled his belt and hopped out of the car. A cool breeze was coming from the mountains, and Icarus stretched, trying to get rid of the sleepiness.

That had been embarrassing. He’d probably been drooling, too. Inconspicuously, he wiped his chin with his sleeve, just in case.

Helios went around the car and lifted a backpack out of the back. Once he had strapped it to his back, he came up to Icarus and raised an eyebrow.

“Ready for a bit of exertion?” he asked.

“As long as you don’t make me run up the hills,” Icarus replied with a small smile.

“I’ll take it into consideration,” Helios hummed, closing his hand around Icarus’ wrist. “Come.”

The hike that Helios had chosen was rather demanding for Icarus, who had never really taken to physical exercise, but Helios was forgiving and allowed for frequent breaks. He had chosen the route well enough, anyway, since they encountered so many beautiful views that they just had to stop every other turn of the path just to take it all in.

When they finally reached the summit of a mountain, Helios took off his backpack and declared that they would be having a picnic there (Icarus had never been more grateful, truly). He then took out his mobile phone and pulled Icarus close to take a commemoration photo of them together with the imposing mountain range in the background.

“Then we have proof that you’re not _just_ a nerd,” he teased as he flipped the camera.

“I’m all sweaty and gross,” Icarus complained, although he suddenly felt reminded of Eliza.

Eliza had been fond of taking selfies with him and Danny, even though Icarus himself had never really liked having his picture taken. He didn’t need confirmation of his looks. He was regularly and uncharitably reminded of how exactly he looked. But Eliza had loved it, and thanks to her, he had many memories saved on his phone, memories of her and Danny and the time when they had still been together.

“You look perfectly fine,” Helios insisted and proceeded to take several pictures of them until he was satisfied. He then proceeded to study the pictures intently before he chose what he ruled the best one and sent it to Icarus.

Icarus looked at the photo on his phone and was struck by a sense of surreality. There, on his screen, was a photo of him and the person he had once considered to be the sun - just as bright and untouchable. And now, he was standing right next to exactly that same person, and he would have a memory of it, too.

“It’s good, isn’t it?” Helios asked. “You look… accomplished.”

He smiled his small, teasing smile at that. “Come on, let’s eat. You must be hungry after the exercise.”

Helios was certainly right - Icarus was ravenous after the physical exertion and stuffed his cheeks like a desperate chipmunk. When he apologised for eating so much, however, Helios only shook his head and told him that had exactly been why he’d brought all the food with him.

“And I haven’t brought anything with me again,” Icarus sighed.

“I’m not expecting you to reciprocate every single action of mine, Icarus,” Helios said firmly. “If I had wanted you to take something with you, I’d have told you.”

Icarus hesitated for a moment before he spoke up again. “Thank you for the food, then.”

“You’re perfectly welcome, Icarus,” Helios replied before he went to clean up and put his things back into his backpack.

 

**XVIII.**

The walk back to the car was just as beautiful as the way up, although it was distinctly less exhausting (small mercies). Still, when they finally reached the car, Icarus was tired and definitely felt his legs. Hopefully, he wouldn’t be sore by tomorrow. Even he had to admit that he’d been neglecting regular exercise and that he should probably do something about that.

“How are you feeling?” Helios asked once they had climbed into the car and were back on their way home.

“Tired,” Icarus said with a sigh. “But it was good! I enjoyed it.”

“That’s good,” Helios hummed. “I like going out into nature. It’s so quiet, so far away from all the foolish things that bother you in your everyday life. It clears your head. Sometimes I feel I can’t hear my own thoughts, surrounded by people. Out here, it’s different.”

Icarus was surprised at Helios’ honesty. Helios gave the impression that he always knew what he was doing, and it was hard to imagine that he too had times when he just wanted to flee from everything, even if just for a few moments, to breathe again.

“I get it,” Icarus whispered quietly. “It’s calm out here.”

“So,” Helios said, in an obvious attempt to change the topic. “Do you want to go home or are you up to something else today?”

“I don’t know, maybe as long as it isn’t too exhausting?” Icarus mused. “Did you have something in mind?”

“I wondered if you might want to watch a movie,” Helios replied.

“What?” Icarus asked, looking over at Helios, who was concentrating on the road in front of him. “Going to the cinema?”

“I was more thinking of watching something at my house,” Helios said. Far too casually.

There was a pronounced beat of silence inside the car.

“Wait, is this a _date_?” Icarus asked loudly.

Helios gave him a short sideways glance. “If you want to.”

“Oh my god,” Icarus whispered. How embarrassing! And naïve of him!

“I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable here,” Helios emphasised, and Icarus couldn’t help but notice that he gripped the steering wheel a little tighter as he said those words. “If you don’t want to, we can just drop it.”

“No- I mean- you _like_ me?” Icarus stuttered.

“Yes I do,” Helios confirmed nonchalantly. “I thought I made that pretty obvious.”

“But, like, I- you-”

“I’m in a band, yes,” Helios said with a frown. “And it has absolutely no impact on me liking you or not. In fact, I think I’m somewhat at a disadvantage here. I mean, you go along with all my suggestions and I don’t think you hate being here with me, but honestly, I can’t get a read on you. I don’t think you’re spending time with me because I’m famous, but then, I also don’t know if you actually like me. So, I don’t know, maybe if you don’t really feel that way, do me a favour and reject me now.”

Icarus was speechless. It was like something in his brain had broken.

Helios _liked_ him? _Helios_?

“I like you.”

Silence.

Had he just said that?

“I like you,” Icarus repeated, more steadily this time. “I don’t think I can use a word like love, at least not yet, but I definitely like you.”

“Good,” Helios said, and there was something warm and satisfied in his voice that made Icarus’ insides melt. “How do you feel about a movie now?”

Icarus only needed a moment to reply.

“I like that, too.”

 

**XIX.**

Once they arrived at Helios’ house, Helios let Icarus in, pointed out where the bathroom was and proceeded to tell him to make himself comfortable. He hesitated for a moment in the door frame, but then went into the kitchen and picked out the number to order them some take away. Icarus stood there for a moment, listening to Helios’ phone conversation with one ear. But his curiosity quickly got the better of him and he couldn’t help but wander around the first floor of the house.

It was a decently sized house, neither overly large nor very small, with enough room so that the layout didn’t feel cramped. The windows were large, so that the rooms would be naturally bright if the sun was up. The furniture was rather sparse, mostly just the necessities such as tables, chairs and a sofa, with some bookshelves and a variety of instruments placed in a way that prevented the rooms from feeling too empty. Some of the bookshelves hadn’t been completely shelved yet, a few boxes full of books still lying around.

Icarus poked at some of the books. Apparently, Helios was a voracious reader and he had a diversified taste, the books ranging from non-fiction over detective novels to science fiction.

Everything was unpretentious, but all the furniture was of good quality, and it looked new. The grey sofa in the living room looked especially inviting, so Icarus sat on it and gave it a little bounce, testing its comfort. It was very comfortable, no doubt. It kind of made him want to lie down and close his eyes for a few moments.

“The food should be here in about 40 minutes,” Helios said, following Icarus into the living room after he had finished the call. The turned the TV on and handed the remote over to Icarus. “Choose whatever you want.”

“What do you watch, usually?” Icarus asked.

“I like documentaries,” Helios answered.

“Really?”

“I don’t really have the patience to watch TV series,” Helios said. “I do like watching films. But when I loaf around, I prefer documentaries. Sometimes, they help me get inspired to write new music.”

Icarus felt surprised at that, but then, it also seemed very much like Helios somehow. He couldn’t really imagine Helios binge-watching TV series on Netflix. But that was the same mistake he’d made before, judging Helios by his appearance. It was hard to get a read on him, Icarus felt, so it was easy to simply assume. Unlike Eliza, who chattered endlessly about the things that she loved and the things that she was currently concerned about, Helios only ever said exactly as much as he felt was needed in any given moment.

What did Icarus actually know about him?

He was very passionate about the music he made, to the point where he chose to concentrate on that instead of getting a formal education.

He liked animals, especially penguins and dogs.

He liked physical exercise such as hiking and running.

He liked to go out into nature when he felt like he needed a break.

He didn’t seem all too sociable and didn’t speak very much.

When he did say something, he meant it.  

He liked good food and spent time researching good restaurants on the internet.

He liked to read.

He liked documentaries.

He apparently liked Icarus. And made time for him to suit his schedule.

Icarus had learned more than he ever thought he would about Helios since they had bumped into each other in that supermarket, but there were so many things that were also still a mystery to him. First and foremost, he had no idea why Helios would go for someone like Icarus when he could have virtually anyone else if he tried. He was good-looking enough that he could probably attract droves of men and women simply with a well-timed smile.

Icarus sighed quietly and went over the different options to watch. He doubted Helios would be into a superhero movie, and Icarus himself certainly wouldn’t subject himself to a romcom. Maybe a documentary wouldn’t be the worst option. He randomly chose the first thing that caught his eye.

Helios settled down next to him on the sofa, and suddenly, Icarus was all too aware of his presence next to him. Helios liked him. Wow. Helios had told him he liked him, and now he was here, on his sofa, on what might be a date.

Icarus felt nervous and on edge until the food arrived. He pretended to be immersed in the program that they were watching, but really, he was stealthily watching Helios get up and go to the door to get their food. Helios liked him, and Icarus had fallen for him hook, line, and sinker.

It was the worst epiphany to have over food, of all things.

They ate in relative silence. Helios was never really chatty when he was eating, Icarus knew that by now, but Icarus still couldn’t help sending nervous glances over to him every so often.

At some point, Helios put his food away and returned Icarus’ look. Then he sighed deeply.

“I’m not actually going to suddenly jump you, you know.”

“I- I know,” Icarus stuttered. “I just… I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I’m just… I don’t know.” He shrugged helplessly.

“We can just continue watching TV,” Helios said calmly. “Nothing more and nothing less. And maybe have a conversation about… _us_.”

“But…” Icarus insisted, squirming around in his seat. He slowly reached out and touched Helios’ forearm. “I keep noticing you.”

 

**XX.**

Helios looked at him with an intense gaze, and Icarus’ heartbeat unwittingly sped up. He wasn’t sure what exactly was happening, but he was sure that _something_ was happening. He couldn’t stop looking at Helios’ eyes of molten gold, so much more beautiful and alive than he could have ever imagined looking from afar.

“You’re strange,” Helios murmured, and then he leaned down to gently grasp Icarus’ chin and lifted it. He softly pressed his thumb into Icarus’ lower lip and then stroked back and forth - once, twice, three times. “Very strange.”

He leaned down further and then, finally, he kissed Icarus.

Icarus sat there, completely frozen. The sensation of Helios’ lips on his was strange, unfamiliar, but not in a bad way. No, it felt really, really good. Icarus found himself wishing that it would never stop; that the tingling in his lips, his fingertips, the fluttering in his stomach would never stop. That Helios would never stop touching him so gently.

After a few moments, Helios drew back and looked at Icarus again, considering.

“Don’t stop,” Icarus found himself pleading.

Helios smiled, the tiniest quirk of his lips.

“I can work with that,” he murmured before he leaned in again, pressing gentle kisses to Icarus’ nose and cheeks.

Icarus’ eyes slipped closed and he simply enjoyed the sensation of Helios’ hands and lips on him. If he had imagined doing this with Helios, he would have imagined Helios being more assertive and maybe a little rough. Well, maybe not rough, but… urgent? Instead, Helios’ attentions were luxurious and unhurried, rather as if he was enjoying a cool drink by the pool side and not intent on debauching Icarus.

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve been thinking about doing this?” Helios asked quietly between several kisses.

Icarus didn’t know how to reply. He still couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that Helios was interested in him, much less that Helios wanted to kiss him. Hell, he would have been happy if Helios had as much as remembered his name.

Icarus had always been at a disadvantage. He’d fallen for Helios all too easily. That Helios could feel the same - the thought had never even crossed his mind.

“You are so pretty,” Helios continued, unaware of Icarus’ rambling thoughts. “I’ve been wanting to _touch_ you so badly.”

Helios hands wandered from Icarus’ face to his neck and then lower. Never before had he felt anything like this, the touch of another person leaving traces on his body like this, and his chest felt as if it would burst from all the conflicting emotions that filled it at the touch of Helios’ hands.

Slowly, the hands wandered along his frame, down to his waist (slightly ticklish) and then lower until they reached his hips where they stopped to move in small circling motions in a way that felt decidedly…

…not good.

“…I think I’m going to be sick,” Icarus rasped, and then he jumped up and ran for the bathroom.

He unceremoniously emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet bowl. After the heaving had finally stopped, he found the energy to slowly lift his head.

Helios stood leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed and lips in a thin line.

Icarus wished the floor would open up and swallow him whole. Leave it to him to completely destroy the most amazing moment in the worst way possible.

Oh god, there was no way that Helios was going to want him now. He had completely and utterly fucked everything up.

“You know, you’re supposed to tell people when you’re feeling uncomfortable with something that they’re doing,” Helios said severely.

“Sorry,” Icarus mumbled.

“Don’t _apologise_ ,” Helios growled, waving his hands in frustration. “But next time, tell me to stop before something like this happens.”

“I… I’m not sure what happened, really,” Icarus replied shakily. “I wanted you to touch me.”

There was a moment of silence that caused Icarus to tense, but then Helios kneeled next to him, gently taking hold of his neck and rubbing it lightly.

“There are many different ways in which people can touch each other,” he said quietly.

Icarus closed his eyes in frustration, trying to keep back his tears. He didn’t want this to end in another failure on his part. He finally wanted to do something properly, the way it was supposed to be done. When it came to Helios, he wanted so many things.

Fuck.

“Is it okay like this?” Helios asked, still gently stroking his neck, his fingers not straying any longer.

“Yes,” Icarus hissed, frustrated. “Anything rated G is _dandy_.”

“Icarus,” Helios said in a warning tone.

“It’s a joke, isn’t it,” Icarus spat angrily. “I wanted you to touch me.”  

“And I want you to not _feel sick_ when I touch you, so you got to tell me what you’re fine with,” Helios shot back. He was frowning and looking supremely angry, but the hand still stroking Icarus’ neck stayed far too gentle.

It was too much, and Icarus broke into tears.

“I don’t know! I don’t know. No one ever touches me like that.”

The tears were streaming freely now, and he gasped for air, dimly realising that he was close to hyperventilation, but not rational enough at the moment to actually care that it was happening.

“I can’t do this. I can’t _do_ this,” he blubbered.

“Icarus,” Helios said. “ _Icarus_. Calm down. It’s not an issue. We just have to figure out what you’re fine with.”

“I should be fine with it,” Icarus insisted hysterically. “I just want to be normal for once.”

“What does that even mean,” Helios said, and there was a strange sense of frustration in his voice as he let his hand drop away from Icarus’ neck. “I didn’t spend time with you because I thought you’d be _normal_.”

 

**XXI.**

“You’re the worst,” Icarus whispered feebly.

“Ugh,” Helios grunted. “Are you even listening? I like you just fine the way you are! Why are you trying to live up to some kind of imaginary standard? There’s no such thing!”

“But everyone tells me there is!” Icarus shouted. “Everyone always lets me know how much I’m not living up to it!”

“Why the fuck are you listening to them?” Helios shouted back. The noise was uncomfortably amplified by the bathroom walls, and Icarus had the sudden urge to cover his ears and stop listening to Helios for good. “You are fine just the way you are! Why are you letting others tell you what to think?”

Icarus remained quiet, because Helios made sense, of course he did, but something inside of Icarus told him that he was wrong, wrong, _wrong_.

“Seriously, Icarus, I don’t know what you’re thinking, but when I chatted you up, it was because you were cute and kind of quirky, and you kind of went along with the flow and I felt comfortable in your presence. You have absolutely no malicious bone in your body, and you couldn’t practice deceit to save your life.” Icarus watched him card his fingers through his hair in frustration. “I mean it when I say that I like you just as you are. It’s not like I’m exactly a normal, sociable person either. But you don’t seem to have a problem with _that_.”

“No,” Icarus agreed. “But you are like the sun. People love you anyway.”

“Icarus, if I am the sun, then you are the moon. And I’m pretty sure I’m under your spell.”

Icarus laughed wetly. “That was a little dramatic now.”

“I’m not kidding here.”

“The thing is: I know that you don’t,” Icarus sighed. He tried to stand up and suddenly realised that his legs felt shaky and weak. God, he suddenly was exhausted. “Can you bring me home?”

Helios was quiet for a moment. “Sure. I think it’s better for tonight.”

Icarus looked up into Helios’ eyes. So beautiful still, even though though he looked about as tired as Icarus felt.

“Are you okay to stand?” Helios asked.

“Yes,” Icarus replied, but he still took Helios’ hand when he offered it to him.

Helios gave him towels and a toothbrush to clean himself up, and then, once Icarus was ready, he brought him back to the dorm in his car. They were quiet during the drive, not speaking to each other, and if he was honest, Icarus didn’t have the energy to even apologise anymore. He’d fucked this up so badly, Helios was probably glad once he was finally rid of him.

Oh god, and he’d been so happy just an hour ago.

When they arrived at the dorm, Helios followed Icarus out of the car and to the door wordlessly.  

Icarus stopped in front of the door and turned around to look at Helios for a moment, unsure of what to do next.

“Thank you for bringing me home,” he eventually said, and the words felt leaden in his mouth.

“It was the least I could do,” Helios replied, shrugging almost helplessly. Icarus wondered if he’d ever seen Helios so unsure of himself before. They stared at each other for a long moment, the silence between the two of them becoming oppressive.

“I… will I see you again?” Helios asked.

Icarus sucked in a breath in surprise. Suddenly, Helios seemed to shrink into himself, lowering his gaze to his shoes.

Icarus’ mind whirred, trying to comprehend what had just happened. Did Helios maybe… did he think that he had overstepped his boundaries? Did he think that Icarus was the one who didn’t want to see him again?

As if. _As if._

“Soon,” Icarus whispered breathlessly. “We’ll see each other soon. Don’t worry too much, okay?”

“I’ll try,” Helios murmured back, shrugging his shoulders a little.

The hopelessness of the gesture made Icarus take heart. He stepped closer to Helios, raising himself on tiptoes and giving him a soft kiss. Helios stared at him in disbelief, and Icarus kissed him again. Softly, so softly.

When they finally parted and Icarus stepped back, Helios took one of his hands and squeezed it, not meeting Icarus’ eyes for a moment. Then, reluctantly, he lifted Icarus’ hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to the knuckles before he slowly let it go.

“Good night, Helios,” Icarus said, wishing he could put all the emotions that were clamouring in his chest into these three words.

“Good night, Icarus,” Helios replied, and he stood there in the dark, staring at Icarus with his beautiful golden eyes as if _Icarus_ was the sun.

With a last look over his shoulder, Icarus opened the door and went inside.


End file.
